Idiot Weekly, Price £100,000

It's not in my nature to blog about the other night's reality telly, but The Apprentice - which surely should be categorised as something else, it's miles ahead of any of the other stuff in this Angus Steakhouse of a TV genre - is an exception.

This week the task was doing food for a pub. The boys' team (and it feels so right to call them 'boys' and 'girls', they're like an overgrown Why Don't You? gang at all times) got that pub in Islington that appears on the Beeb almost every night, presumably because half the nation's TV producers live above it. Italian food was chosen as the theme, because one of them had eaten some once and thought it was quite good.

Disaster - of course! - came about, no doubt heavily edited to make it look worse but - note to the tabloids - it's the telly, that's what they do. A quick survival tactic was dreamt up - customers ordered a whole pizza? Give them half and cover the gaps with lollo rosso! The perfect crime you might think, but they were quickly rumbled. There followed an exchange worthy of Spike Milligan himself.

'Is this a whole pizza?'

'Er...'

'This looks like half a pizza.'

'Well.. our kitchen's run out of whole pizzas.'

Consider the logic of that last sentence for a moment. Then go and have a lie down. I know The Apprentice is nothing more than a cheap laugh at the dregs of the business world to make us feel a little better about being roundly clouted by the rest of them, but it's still the only comedy worth Bollywood dancing out of bed for right now.